its not you its (your the)me
Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
- Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
- Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
- Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
- Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
- Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
- Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
- Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
- Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
- Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
- Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
- Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
- Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
- Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
- Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
- Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
- Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
- Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
- Dad: Fuck the government.
- Dad: Fuck the school board.
- Dad: Close the door.
- Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
- Dad: I love puns.
- Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
- Dad: Please shut up.
- Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
- Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
- Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
- Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
- Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
- Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
- Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
- Dad: They act like I care what they think.
- Dad: I hate homework.
- Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
- Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
Jennifer Lawrence covers Psychologies Magazine’s June 2014 issue (cred.)
Fangirl challenge: (2/10 Actresses) : Karen Gillan
"Well, that hair, those limbs, that surprising brain. It’s like she’s from another planet. She’s a true eccentric." - Matt Smith
do you ever
do you ever just have
that one class
that one freaking class
that just depresses you when you think about it because
oh god you hate it so much
in movies when kids sneak out through their windows and im just like why dont you have screens in your windows who doesnt have screens in their windows what do you just let bees and bugs and birds and shit fly into your room what the fuck
this is why you guys had the black plague.
FINDING YOUR TEACHERS FACEBOOK PAGES IS THE GREATEST
I MEAN THEY GO FROM LOOKING LIKE THIS TO YOU:
TO SUDDENLY LOOKING LIKE THIS
I MEAN HOLY CRAP THAT’S MY MATHS TEACHER SMOKING IN A SUIT AS HE RIDES A SHARK.
IF THAT’S NOT BEAUTIFUL TO YOU, YOU’RE LYING.
In case you were having a bad day…
Here’s Arya Stark bustin’ a move. Try and tell me you don’t feel better.
fuck Maisie Williams is too much
What’s your name?
what the fuck are you talking about “white girls” she’s 100% right take your misogynistic bullshit out of here
So my friend came into school one day wearing a dress that had straps and the vice principal came up to her and said “You need to either change or cover your shoulders up because it’ll distract the boys” to which she replied “Well I find boys faces distracting, do they have to cover them up?” and the vice principal said “Maybe you should focus in class more.”
If that doesn’t tell you that things are messed up, then I don’t know what does.